Lady the dog
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Lady the dog hero of hollywood in better days.
Lady the dog was a very nice dog, who liked to do things dogs like to do like sniff themselves and lick themselves ( a bit like George Micheal) but poor Lady Dog was not like other dogs for under the layers of sable tinged coat lay the reminents of a cold dark heart, for Lady Dog was a mass murderer.

Lady lay lazy in her basket dreaming of the colourful treats her owner would bring her when suddenly she started to twitch and then the beautiful Rough Collie became wild ripping the face from a cat who had strayed into the protected province of her garden, with this action Lady dog was too be sent to the creul rectory and put down.

Golly gosh thought Lady dog i only liked knocking the crap out of Cats, as she was driven to the animal rectory hearing the vicous cackling of her owner as she swerved closer and closer and closer to Ladys demise, then luckily as it allows me to add a plot and saves me continually droning on and on, the car boot in which Lady was concealed opened and Lady dog scarped into the night.

The owner was furious for she had wanted to see the dog suffer as the needle pricked into her waif like figure under the mass of hair and she would howl and the termination would have been complete but the owner was distraught, who could she now inflict pain on? of course her student son who was asleep on the couch so she picked up the large bristled brush and.................

Lady sped into the night zooming and zeeming until suddenly she ran into an unsavoury character known only as Sabre, this Dark Lab took lady under his wing (Or anything else he could get under i imagine!) and learnt here the ways of the Underworld, then sadly he died leaving Lady to fend for herself when suddenly fate took another twist.

Hollywood producer Phil I Stein spotted this ragged shape in the doorway of a Hotel, thinking it was Tara palmer Tomkinson or Kate Moss he rushed over to the shape to see Lady dog in her golden glory. "Oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my" he said with a repetitive air "What a horrid yet alluring creature i shall turn you into my greatest creation yet".

Lady then went to feature in such films as "Jurrasic bark", "Woofy the vampire slayer" and the perrenial "Hello Collie" she also had hit Number one singles with "A doggy day in London town" and the heartbreaking " Its Rover".
All was so well on the road to success then three occurances changed her life.

The diviorce from her 5th husband Ivor Lottaballs caused her to start on the pills it was simple at first they took the pain away but then the pain it hurt more and more and more soon she was on smack, Herion and pepsi cola sorry i meant coke, so after 22 years she returned.

Occurance two was the famous Tiolet incident were two policeman caught her weasling around in a sexual manner, this was not why she was arrested she was arrested because the Policeman got excited by the thought of handcuffing a dog and took her back to the cells for a good hammering.

But the thing that finally finished Lady off after her famous stint as a social worker for Dogs with clogs because of her former incident, she made yet another return to the buisness of show by telling the world of her admiration of Keith Chegwin, this finally convinced the world she was barking mad and she died alone in a pool of urine on Bonfire night.
The moral to this story is if you like Cheggers don't tell no one.
The End

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