Desmond the Dik dik
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Des the dik dik before the habit kicked in.
Desmond was a dik dik and lived in a council flat in the dry scrubs of Africa, now Desmond had left his wife because she had unbeliveably thin legs and was'nt much use to him, Desmond was a brave dik dik he had been involved in many of the great battles alerting the wilderbesst of the lions in the battle of 96, the deer were alerted in the scourge of 96 and he was the saviour of the Zebras in the conflict of 96 (96 was a great year unless your a Lion) but Desmond with all his medals could'nt handel one thing why was his Ex-wife bigger than him? whenever he tried to show authority she'd smack him one and this was'nt a fun for a dik dik of Des's standing.

So with this burning question to see the wise owl but he lived in Africa so this idea was crap so instead he went to see a not so clever Giraffe, being only 34cm high Desmond found it hard to grab the attention of this overbearing creature but when he did he asked him the question "Dik dik dik dik dik dik dik" he said (translated why am i a small animal?) Gareth the Giraffe told him "because of your genes but there is a way to change it are you intrested" said gary, "Dik" replied Desmond "sorry i can't do anything about that but take this 24 pack of stella lager and drink 3 every night and you will soon grow" said the seemingly well informed Giraffe.

So the 24 pack of stella was heaved back to Desmonds flat, Desmond decided he was even smaller than anything else so he had 7 Stella's after a week he had not grown but had a bad ache in his head so then he decided to try a bit of brandy, and my word it took the pain away as did whisky, Bacardi and Ossie whites soon Desmond found he had too sell the lovely shoots in his scrub to buy the toxic Fluids which helped him keep a grip on reality then after 6 months of his treatmant his sister rung him to tell him she would be there the next day.

Doyle the dik dik was much bigger than Desmond she stood at a whopping 50 cm and she was fierce, so when she entered the flat to see the uncouth manner in which Desmond now lived in she screamed but he ignored her so she decided to go to the local Alcoholics dry out meeting to find a way to help her ailing brother dik dik.

Desmond downed his 18th martini of the day and flushed it down with a brandy while Doyle booked him in for some AA sessions when she reached into her lovely black handbag in the pattern of a rose made by a Zorille which accounted for its heavy wafting stench to find her purse and all her money had gone, Desmond had took it to buy a box of wine (which shows he was'nt fussy and if its anything like the box wine i get cheap it proves he had a problem.) Doyle was furious and had to Write a check and broke her arm in the process as it was so thin and dangly.

Desmond checked out 2 years later refreshed and off the ale his only problem now was to kick the morphine habit he had to stop him from drinking.
The moral to this story is don't make one problem to solve another.
The End

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